Russian reversal

It was cold and rainy today.  But there was a fair share of sun keeping things warm, otherwise it would have been unbearably cold.

I haven't been feeling well for the past couple of days.  I hope that whatever it is, it goes away soon.  I don't have much time left before school starts, and the last thing I want to do is start the year with a cold *crosses fingers*

Kyle and I went to pick up a package from FedEx that he ordered (he got the new iPod and a dock connector).  His dock connector arrived, but the iPod itself is still stuck somewhere in Kentucky.  I love how Apple's shipping is free, but it takes weeks to get something.

Afterwards, we went to this sushi place in town.  I absolutely love sushi.  It's the one single food that I could, literally, have every single day for the rest of my life and never get tired of eating it.  Naturally, I couldn't eat the same kind of sushi every day, so give me a little variety please.  But yeah, sushi.  Yum!

My parents are quite overbearing.  Even 2,000+ miles away, they still insist on talking to me several times a week.  Last Saturday, I was quite busy, and I told them when they called I couldn't talk for very long.  Today my mom told me that my dad was upset because I said I couldn't talk long, and how "it's so difficult to have a meaningful conversation since we speak so rarely."  They spoke to me previously on Thursday.  That's two days.  Two days later and they're upset that they don't get to talk to me.

I love my parents.  I appreciate that they're giving me the opportunity to come to school here, but honestly, for f***'s sake, they need to back off a bit.  They expect me to talk to them twice, sometimes three times per week.  Each time the minimum conversation time is something like 30-40 minutes.  That's a significant portion of my week that goes into talking to them.  And when we do talk, it's not about anything in particular.  They ask me stupid questions that never change ("how are you settling in?" "how's the weather?" "how do you like it there?" "how are the people?").  I mean, they already know the answer.  It didn't change from last time.  Why ask it again?  That freedom I've been feeling this past week is slowly being replaced by that same, stifling dread I was feeling back at home.  I have to find a way to decrease my time spent talking to them.  I can't live my life and be happy with my bf while simultaneously trying to juggle my parents' every whim at the same moment.

Now before anyone calls me a whiner, and says that I should stop complaining, it's not quite that simple.  My parents aren't your traditional American parents.  In fact, they're not even American.  They're from conservative, Soviet-bloc Eastern Europe.  Their values clash with American values on a daily basis.  That sort of thing caused me a lot of headaches when I was younger, and fitting in with my peers was a chore; a delicate balancing act.  Conforming to American standards too much caused super-drama at home; the vice-versa caused me grief with my peers.

So I could never be myself around my parents, even to this very day.  I can never be out around my parents or extended family (or other friends of theirs from back home).  I can never really be happy while having direct contact with them precisely for those two reasons.  That's why I'm having such a hard time even this far away... it's like their presence lingers every where I go and I can't shake them.  It's like a cough that won't go away even though you're not sick anymore, and haven't been for weeks.

And every time I get that little taste of freedom; that one, glimmering ray of light that begins to shed my facade of a personality that I've had to wear while being at home for so long, the mask pops right back on, because I'm just two rings away from being reminded that, no, I'm not quite free, and won't be free for a long time.

I'm fighting the good fight, and eventually I have confidence I'll tear myself away from their controlling nature, but it's going to take time, and I can't help but feel miserable about it in the meantime.